Cast Away

Preyed upon by light I pray for darkness a grim body cast

shielding my skin from the eyeing rays of exposure to which I fought my whole existence having yet to live These stark contrasts battle inside at war with light darkness will suffice who doesn't hide I rather hide I.... need..... to..... hide.... for peace of mind exposure steals a piece of my- peace of mind too hard to confide within these lighted confines as if I'm sequestered by detectives I feel the building of pressure fumbling my coerced existence it's not easy from this point of view being a spectacle

amongst the biggest spectator my truth isn't one size fit all so why speak what wouldn't be believed I'm nothing and no one to be believed or believed in believe me what's belief but a strong thought I'm too weak for any strength to be invoked upon or summoned from me faith doesn't exceed beyond my fingers nor sight I see more at night seizing my nocturnal sunshine please keep me asleep in the light of day fore if I come to, I may be blind shadows captured and depicted on the outer feathers of your wings what's a candle's glow inside of the sun still hidden, so even you, light, can be hidden only to the darkness can you be seen but I bid you good riddens because you arrive without permission enchanting my vision as with any glow beautiful promises arise either advertised, or implied so imagine a bug's surprise allured to light just to die with not enough time lasting regrets of all kinds you're clever darkness- your blanket is poised, peaceful, serene though the light cuts at you with its mighty sharp and searing sword slicing a seam of ripped unknown and within one crack you are soon probed, discovered then destroyed there's never been enough room for you both like me, darkness you're so misunderstood light is anything but understanding empathetic or compassionate its savage-like and impulsive! raging its way through everyone's life conceding to nothing and no one a power truly unchecked laughing at its counterbalance's weak attempts my regrets my shame my hurt my heartache my trauma my truth all vulnerable now because of your insincerity I'm victimized yet again falling prey to your self righteous ego what gives you such majesty who grants your divine-like supremacy why are you more weapon to each wound revealing my wreckage causing more hurt than healing more nakedness than clothing more questions than answer more fear than love boastfully claiming my access to fulfillment decreeing my wholeness telling me to stand upright while the gravity of your shine buckles my knees bearing the weight of your accusations I am no masochist how could I exalt my own torment I feel like a sheep within the jaws of a wolf never wanting your company only privacy, now my secrets to bare embarrassingly my privates peered at by peers I'm not ready you force me you push me you entice and egg me on leading me astray leaving me stranded to deal with my unfolding my feared undoing I held it together for so long but now I'm unraveled like the flowers you shine down on who are you to look down on me you're no different than the others at least darkness comforts clothes and blankets me coming around me like a warm embrace not down at me like scalding discipline I'll never... wait someone is looking at me someone sees me how could...? everyone is seeing me noticing me as I walk by even moving around instead of thru me oh great they're just avoiding me now that's worst than being invisible now that they see me, how could they now ever stand to look at me? to be seen is to want to be loved but who will love me more questions more fears you see?! torment how can you see me why do you even see me why haven't you turned away turning yourself off in my unveiling I'm no beautiful bride of any kind a lowly morsel or shell of a man human, more like it I'm no gift, I'm unpleasant just presently a presented present of pretense a peasant with no presence and still you allow me to stand in your glory casting my own shadow I have a shadow?! before you...all I've ever been was a shadow how am I deserving of a follower how is my symmetry worth outlines I thought myself deformed now...reformed without saying a word you said all there ever was to say showing me what my mind couldn't conceive just look at myself lights embrace my arrival cascading in my wake never leave me again fore I wasn't ready for you but now I'm unready without you every fear hasn't dissipate quite a few still bubble at my surface but I blend in just another promising spirit to be shined upon and darkness now casted away