True story I listened offering my heart translated through words presence and attentiveness watching as his facial features tried remaining masked but I saw thru the facade knowing who he was at that moment- a hurt and broken man, struggling to hold it all together though he was none the wiser of my discovery but I get it not being able to see his kids no visits since he's been locked up a wife being everything to other men but a wife to him even though he didn't have much time to do but I guess any time gone, is time too long he knew she lied she'd asked him how does he know he responded that he could feel it- deep in his heart catching her off guard I'd imagine with such a deep revelation coming from a man of all things she told him she just wants to do her and maybe they will get back together in the future but he'd had enough rejecting that offer immediately knowing the devalue of self that would come from accepting that possibility but not all love is right and he'd done enough wrong her explanation of concealing her deeds was 'wanting to spare his feelings' (cold...) to that, he said "what feelings?" I got myself ripped from you and my kids being in this situation the judge made sure he ensured the void and you have ended any kind of relationship and marriage that we had "what feelings?" and I understood him poignantly painfully a putrid feeling invading my re-collective past similar experience ending at the worst time for me he said the reason it hurt is because he's at his lowest "leave me when I'm high but not when I'm at my lowest, when I can't fend for myself" but she reveled in the power she gained from his mistaken departure not gone a second too soon it seemed why does love continue to get diluted by power struggles? his existence was now dark cold isolated and hollowed out a hole carved inside fragments of what was once a heart the story went on and as he vented I saw his resolve restraint and his reserve I believed that real strength was a mysterious feat harnessed by women at deeper levels than men could ever reach but seeing this man, a reflection of myself trying to hold it together while speaking truth to his pain still trying to reason and stay afloat mmm powerful! I admired his will I kept asking myself when will the dam break? anticipating tears to spring down his trembling cheeks I reveled at this moment, seeing victory in him no doubt she believed she took his fight but I seen it brilliantly on his face staying strong for his kids and for his mom he just listened to cry whom was flying in to see her grand babies for the first time hearing the news of an abrupt change of plans by their mother leaving town malicious I began to take it in, validation we are more than thoughtless animals, deserving of cages though we are convicts, we are people struggling through life like most but what I wasn't prepared for was hearing why he was here he got a misdemeanor upgraded to a felony for a FIRST TIME OFFENSE DUI- refusal to blow though he consented at the station this one small lack of judgement caused all of this he did what most would get diversion or probation for but he was black so when he said "what feelings?" I understood what he alluded to saying he lost it all that he has to carry this the rest of his life so what more is there to feel? I get it damn...I feel you brotha upon his face bears the greatest lie while hiding the hardest truth but his composure will not wilt like a flower in shade not matter how dark it gets strength I told him that it is all a matter of how you choose to react see what you've lost sight of in the midst of your discomfort there may lie a gift- a truth only revealed in despair what I didn't tell him is that I've heard this same story countless times over the years as the years have gone on, my answers evolved from being the story to witnessing the story now counseling the story his pain was and still is mine bruh, I get it hold ya head solja
RUSSELL
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